Heart beat

My heart beats for you /

pitter patter of romance /

a war drum of love

Funny Fairies

Fairies are funny /

collecting gems and trinkets /

joy seeking knowledge

Makeshift Armor

I was taught my body is a tool

Utilized by those around me

I was taught that my appearance is everything

To extent of skipping meals and using too much makeup

I was taught that my body is ugly and fat

No one would ever truly desire me

My body hatred and dismorphia acting as armor

Shielding me from compliments and helping hands

Weighing heavy on the weak soul within

Your touch, cold on my outer shell.

But it is not you who is cold,

It is my mind who says I am not worthy

My soul that yearns to be desired

My heart begging for it all to stop

The never ending cycle of self hatred

I am a shell, longing to fill myself with other peoples opinions.

But I will never be good enough,

I will never be small enough

I will never be dainty or pretty or graceful.

I will always be an empty cast of armor

Waiting to be filled with worthiness for beauty.

You are alluring /
you’re eyes as bright as gemstone /
and voice soft and kind.

Alms

There once was a boy named Zack

An orphanage found him in a potato sack

threw him on the street to find loot

or he’d wind up getting the boot

So he proclaimed, “keep calm,

I’ll find and bring in some alms”

And the poor boy went out in winter with no loins

Just barely hoping to find a few coins

When he got tired he went home out of the cold

only to find that his guardian had marked him as sold

he took off running through the street,

A few blocks away he looked down at his feet

There laying at his feet was a suitcase splayed open, broken

he picked through it with excitement to find a small token

the token you ask? a small silver pistol

at the time he thought “what a painless way to end it all?

I would be a slave by morning any ways,

So why spend anymore horrible days.”

He held the pistol to the side of his head

in doing so he caught the attention of a cop instead,

With his finger on the trigger wishing for the end

The cop tried to assist the boy with not a penny to lend

So he left this world to start a new life

Now wealthy, with a wife and kids, living a good life.

The decision to end it was his

while hopeless, he found his bliss.

-Transcribed from 1/23/16-

Thantophobia

A life without you is a black void

A fear welling inside that I avoid

That one day you will be no more

Not you, not the man I adore

How could I let myself lose you

Trying with every breath to bring you to

But nothing, but blank empty space

Your heart beat now slow in it’s pace

I am losing you, and there is no escape

You are drifting free in heaven scape

And I am here left mourning

Never another good morning.

Flu

My throat is so sore /

I cant stop the coughing fits /

I’m as cold as ice

The soup soothes my pain /

But fatigue contiues to drain /

healing is in vain

Dreamland

Eye lids weigh heavy /

Each blink closing in on sleep /

drift slow to dreamland

Reap joy

Life is short enough /

Indulge everyday with joy /

and reap happiness

Seeds

In each of us in a seed

Some longing for nourishment

While others thrive and bloom

Sorrow and sadness can be felt within

Happiness and enlightenment as well

Rain as tears to water and nurture the seed

And joy as sunshine feeding the bloom

But absence of emotions goes nowhere

You must allow yourself the ability to feel

Let your seed sprout and grow.

Indulge yourself in the realness of emotion.

Spread your joy to other’s seeds around you

And let your tears invoke others to feel.

Your growth will motivate others to grow.